What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
