I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
