i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
