Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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