we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize