UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
