i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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