i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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