my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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