After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
