did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
love makes seman taste better
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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