just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize