i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
