She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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