Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
