I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
