whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
