Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
