went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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