the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
