it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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