I wish life had little blips of pornography
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
