I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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