She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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