Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
