i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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