I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
