just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
