Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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