guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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