That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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