She is in my trunk
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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