They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
