i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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