Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
