He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
