her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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