The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
