I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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