he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
