He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
so much tequila, so little girl.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
