ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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