Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
