Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
