I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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