I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize