True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
