I just pynch a tree in the face
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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