i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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