That's intense
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
