I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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