I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
