I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
