i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize