ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
