If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
