What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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