mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
