mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
