Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
