how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
