Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
