I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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