I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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