i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
