I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
