I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize