420 ftw
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
