What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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