apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
