Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
