wakey wakey hands off snakey
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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