apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
