i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
