I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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