do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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