but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
