a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize