Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
