So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
