I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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