Whatcha textin bout Willis?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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