wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
