Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Alive.
So much puke
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize