Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
