Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am naked and annoyed.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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