I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
