Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
