Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
please come you make the beer taste better
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
