I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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