This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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