She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
