I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
