Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
