Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
