I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
