Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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