There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
