Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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