Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
